Third Place: what is it and do we need one?

Pondering physical and virtual Third Places in the community

Imagine yourself in Boston, sitting at Sam Malone's bar, listening to the insipid jabbering between Cliff and Norm. Or perhaps you’re ordering lunch in a diner in a New York neighbourhood and you hear George Costanza order the exact same lunch as you. Or, maybe you’re sitting on a comfy couch in a coffee shop near Central Park minding your own business when suddenly you hear Phoebe sing a song about smelly cats.

These places all have something in common: they are referred to as Third Places.

What is a Third Place?

A Third Place is the in-between spaces where opportunities to build relationships are fostered and nurtured, where communities are strengthened.

A blogger known as Wakinguponthewrongsideof50 recently challenged her readers to consider whether they had a Third Place, or wanted one if they didn’t. You can read her blog post here.

The concept of Third Places was coined by American sociologist Ray Oldenburg. He called home a First Place and work a Second Place. As he studied the sociological connections between people in communities, he came to recognize the significance of these in-between places as important aspects for relationship building and the collective mental and emotional health.

The older I get, the more I realize I don’t have a Third Place.

Or do I?

Ray Oldenburg’s theory of the Third Place

Oldenburg defines a Third Place as an anchor of community life which facilitates and fosters broader, more creative interactions outside of the home or workplace.

Third Places were (are?) deemed essential but tend to be viewed through a subjective lens.

Are Third Places today really the same concept as before the internet became a household name?

Consider, for instance, that a Third Place under Oldenburg’s theory was an informal space where social interaction and exchange of information could happen freely.

Where was this possible? I can think of numerous places: coffee shops, restaurants or pubs, libraries, book clubs, sports venues, pool halls and similar places might allow for this social interaction and exchange of information.

Perhaps at one time, churches and other religious structures (synagogues, mosques, temples) might have allowed for such activities, although I’m hesitant to state out loud that religious entities were (are?) nondiscriminatory places where an open-minded exchange of ideas is entertained freely (and safely) by all equally. If I may borrow a term from my friend Jonathan, I think of tightly-knitted religious gatherings more like walled-gardens than places where concepts or ideas can flow freely. How would an atheist be able to express a personal opinion among a group of conservative Christians in a place of worship? Or vice versa?

Perhaps the idea of a Third Place needs to be amended to account for today’s internet-influenced Third Places.

Virtual Third Places Micro-Communities

Those of us who tend to socialize virtually more often than in person may define their personal Third Place someplace on the internet. I see virtual micro-communities all over the internet, for instance, particularly on social media.

Social media Third Places

Beagle communities

I belong to a tribe of beagle owners on X (formerly Twitter) and we have great fun discussing the many aspects of beagling and shenanigans our furry friends entertain us with. It’s a fun, image-rich community and I especially appreciate the efforts made by those who adopt beagles from rescues and share their journeys with us. Inevitably, these new beagle owner are often immersed into our twitter community where we share stories or commiserate over shenanigans. (I also have a hockey tribe, and quite a few of us who blog/write books converse there.)

Writing communities on social media

Another virtual Third Place might be a hash-tagged writing community online. #writingcommunity

These writing communities exist on various popular platforms and I sometimes participate by commenting (or initiating) dialogue related to writing challenges, joys, insights or aspects of writer’s life. My sentiments are mixed mostly because the hash-tagged writing communities seem a little self-promotional, by which I mean there is little exchange of dialogue (in my experience) and too much marketing. Writing communities may break off into smaller entities and it’s possible they work better with a smaller attendance.

Blogs

A popular Third Place on the internet is the blog world. I can attribute to its success, having made many friends from far and wide who have stood the test of longevity. Although my own statistical following is over 4000 subscribers on my personal blog, I would not go so far to say that all of them belong to my virtual Third Place. There are about a dozen subscribers or so who remain actively involved in the exchange of words, either on my blog or on theirs and sometimes on social media. I value these friends in ways which differs greatly from the IRL friends (In Real Life), who, incidentally, seem to be dwindling. Check out my article about The Shrinking Circles of Friendship to see what I mean.

It is the readers who comment on my blog who make up the micro-community Third Place for me since that is where the open dialogue and exchange of ideas occurs, and new friendships are built.

Other thoughts about Third Places

I read over some of the comments on the original article by the blogger mentioned above. It appears not everyone is interested in acquiring or nurturing a Third Place. The sense of community that older generations may have once enjoyed in abundance (Boomers, maybe some older GenX) may have dissipated with the erosion of the church community (at least in my circles).

Flashback - if you’ve ever watched Little House on the Prairie or The Waltons, you know what I mean by the church community.

Comments from readers

Some of the more prominent thoughts shared on the original blog post were as follows:

• not having (or recognizing) a Third Place but also not seeking one

• dog owners recognize a local park as a Third Place because many like-minded people congregate there at the same time (after work, weekends) making it feel like a community

• several people suggested their blogs might be categorized as their Third Place, particularly the retired folk

• someone from Seattle mentioned a place called Third Place Bookstore which includes cafes and restaurants, which I think is a fantastic idea and needs to be implemented in my neighbourhood immediately (I googled: three in WA and one in OH.)

• a parent of sporty kids called pool decks her Third Place. Mine are hockey arenas and baseball diamond

The right to reject the idea of Third Places

Nobody is forcing anyone to choose a Third Place, or label it as such. Or, if you have one and you want to change it, you are free to do so at will. But it’s a neat concept to think about… and, in light of the pandemic years, I bet some of these zoom-like Third Places may have made a lasting impression on some people.

Also, introverts tend to choose internet-communities more often than the more lively, often more expensive IRL Third Places.

I’m not sure whether I belong to a Third Place community outside of the sports thing with my kids. But maybe making a coffee shop a regular stop more often in the coming months might help to cast the friendship-making net a little wider?

What do you think about Third Places? Do you have one?

Would you choose one and if yes, what kind?

Thank you for reading my substack Room with a Door. I have contemplated some changes to initiate in the coming weeks, as mentioned here.

I have been writing about a weird trip to Walmart on my personal blog recently, and followed that with a writing dilemma which involved four pudding cups. The blog is not monetized, feel free to check out my content:

• Blaming big box store for itty bitty ailment

• The equivalent of four pudding cups

Did you like my article on Third Places? If so, please share it freely.

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