Anger: the binding emotion

A deep dive into this volatile emotion, a book recommendation, some letting-go techniques and a personal experience

Mar 22, 2025

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David R. Hawkins, the author of Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender, devotes an entire chapter to anger and its subsidiaries such as guilt, resentment and apathy, to name but a few.

He defines anger as a binding emotion which connects individuals to patterns and people who trigger it which ends up impeding personal growth and well-being.

Anger, therefore, is not a freeing emotion. Its connection to people or situations triggers intense emotions and perpetuates a cycle of negativity and resentment.

We all know this is intrinsically true, yet many of us continue to be ruled - or are letting ourselves be ruled - by anger.

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Anger is everywhere

Have you noticed that anger is increasingly evident wherever we turn? It’s not just the screens we hold in our hands which compel us to consume the often anger-fuelled content all day. We’re also continuously subjected to this volatile emotion in parking lots (impatience), on highways (rage), inside stores (irritability), at airports (exasperation), in public spaces (annoyance), even within family units (when uncle brings up politics at the table - a combination of fury and resignation and maybe even apathy). Everyone seems overwhelmed, depressed, anxious and very mad.

Is it any wonder that we feel helpless and victimized much of the time?

For me, anger or its subsidiaries, is sometimes a default pattern. It helps to be aware of it and to actively seek understanding when anger arrives and threatens to disrupt our disposition and peace.

To allow anger to dominate does little for our emotional health, and even less for our physical well-being.

But how does one eliminate anger when there is so much to be angry about?

It's a question I have ruminated over for several years.

Reading and learning about letting go

One day I came across a book whose title gave me pause. The title was not unfamiliar; we’ve all seen and read about letting-go techniques over the years. But this author was someone I have not heard of before and I was intrigued.

The ebook was unavailable in my library app, but the audio version was free so I loaded it, plugged myself in and, while walking the dog through the muddy scenes of early spring, listened to the first chapter.

By the end of the walk I knew enough to want to continue studying this book in its entirety.

David R. Hawkins

David Hawkins is a medical doctor and a PhD. He practised psychiatry since 1952 and was a life member of the American Psychiatric Association. He wrote many books and the one above - Letting Go - has made enough of an impact I will likely seek out some of his other works.

The book is long and divided into many chapters. The audio version is easy to listen to, almost conversational. I appreciate the simple language and the easy-going tone of the subject matter.

He has chapters dedicated to apathy and depression, grief, fear, desire and anger to name just a few from the lengthy table of contents. At the end, there is a Q and A session where he took the most popular questions he’s received over the many years he lectured and answered them.

I listened to the book in consecutive order and re-read parts of some chapters in my digital copy at a later time while making notes. The chapter on anger - which is the topic of this essay - is connected to other chapters (grief, desire etc) which is why I sat down to write about it.

Many of you know me to be an avid writer and this is how I process things.

I ask myself sometimes: Am I an angry person? Is anger my go-to emotion when things go awry?

This volatile emotion prevails both within me at times, and in societies across the world. The timing seems apt to pursue letting-go techniques more so now than ever before. The pandemic saw many people struggle with economic stress and just as the light at the tunnel appeared, we became subjected to outrageous inflation caused, in part, by political upheaval in several countries, an uptick in natural disasters and horrific images of violence and war in various parts of the world. There are a lot of struggles and challenges which appear difficult to navigate on an emotional level which fuels the media we consume, ensuring constant annoyance and indignation.

No wonder so many people are pissed off.

Anger as a tree

The way Hawkins describes anger in his book makes me think of a tree. The trunk is anger, but it grows smaller branches which become rage, resentment, indignation, guilt, hate, vindictiveness, spite, jealousy, hostility, even sarcasm, to name a few from a lengthy list.

Anger breeds more anger. People feel anger in body, mind and spirit. I recently exchanged messages with a friend in Michigan who feels overwhelming anger deep in the pit of his stomach whenever he hears or reads about the events coming out of Washington D.C. I too feel anger as a physical sensation, often pondering whether the tension and tightness in my upper body - particularly in the neck and shoulder area - are caused by harbouring and storing some of the above-mentioned emotions.

Anger’s force is a physical energy which needs an outlet. But how does one ease the pressure of anger without ending up arrested and in jail?

Most people in my immediate circle avoid physical violence, but I've witnessed anger in many forms - from passive aggression to outright cruelty - among both acquaintances and strangers. Defaulting to blame and resentment appears to be the instinctive response in most situations.

Children, impressionable teens, and young adults absorb these behaviours and replicate them unconsciously. Without learning to recognize these default patterns, anger will continue to manifest and express itself throughout life.

Anger's health connection

Anger, when it becomes chronic, can result in migraines, anxiety, depression, hypertension and an assorted variety of physical symptoms including aches, pains and illnesses. Is there any wonder that much of the western world is on prescription medication?

In various places inside several chapters, Hawkins describes how muscles react during intense negative feelings. Appendix B at the end of the book explains more about this Muscle Testing Procedure. I was particularly interested in those findings because of my own muscle issues in recent months, which I have been treating with nutritional supplementation, chiropractic adjustments, acupuncture sessions, massage and exercise (stretching, yoga, weight and resistance training). At times, I take pain relief medication all the while wondering if there is a simpler solution to all this pain.

It hadn’t occurred to me until now that I could be storing resentment somewhere in my body which manifested itself into muscular pain.

Hawkins reminds us that anger kills the angry person, not the enemy, and encourages us to practice letting-go techniques to release the anger we harbour in an attempt to regain optimal emotional, mental and physical health. He shows us how to practice letting go angry or negative thoughts and surrender intense emotions.

This, of course, is easier said than done.

Suppressed anger

Hawkins points out that much of the population’s anger, when not exercised as protests, violence etc, is suppressed. He reasons that in part, the popularity of violent entertainment routinely consumed by the public is proof of suppressed anger. We binge-watch movies and television programs with abundant crime, beatings, shootings, stabbings and killings. And afterwards, we tune in to the 11 o’clock news and watch it unfold all over again, but this time as actual events in our local communities.

Turning off the news may be helpful, but few people can (or want to) disconnect from the digital world entirely.

Consider 9/11. The events were horrific and shocking, yet we found ourselves unable to look away despite feeling uncomfortable about our compulsion to watch. People everywhere remained glued to screens as the tragedy unfolded, simultaneously drawn to and disturbed by what they witnessed.

I was at work at a pilot training facility and was the one who had to tell the American pilots in a classroom that their country was under attack and the borders were closed.

It took me a long time to turn away from the news, and by then, the damage to my psyche was already done. I finally stopped watching TV at the beginning of the second lockdown in my province during the pandemic. One breaking point was growing evidence that some politicians were exempting themselves from following their own rules. We disconnected our cable and significantly reduced our consumption of content from major media networks. Maintaining boundaries from the constant onslaught of information requires ongoing effort, but we're succeeding by being intentional about what we consume, from whom, and for how long. We've found that ‘less is more’ serves our family well.

Mentally, disconnecting from media has freed up space to pursue healthier passions. Emotionally, the process felt like withdrawal from a chronic addiction. We still occasionally get pulled back in, requiring deliberate effort to physically step away from our devices.

Case in point: the recent upheaval in Canada's federal government and the inauguration of a new American president temporarily drew me back online to ‘participate’ in these significant events. I was quick to justify my return to these media outlets with reasoning like "their decisions will directly impact us" and "we need to know how to counter potential effects."

Unsurprisingly, I've grown considerably more cynical about all levels of government in recent years. Nevertheless, I manage more often than not, to maintain boundaries by controlling when and how much random information I consume, even as political institutions falter and crises continue to unfold.

It gets easier with time and practice.

Anger and the subconscious mind

Today, after years of avid reading, I understand more about how the brain—specifically the subconscious mind—operates. I see evidence daily that like attracts like. When I find myself spiralling over a professional difficulty or personal problem, I recognize that dwelling on it won't solve the underlying issue but instead magnifies it, leading to anger, helplessness, blame, and resentment. These volatile emotions register in my subconscious and, through the Law of Attraction, intensify the very negativity I'm experiencing.

"Here are other moments you felt stressed about in the past," my subconscious whispers, flooding me with stored memories as evidence.

The subconscious functions like an algorithm, scanning our memory bank for events that triggered similar emotions to what we're currently experiencing - panic, frustration, despair, grief - to deliver more of the same.

Yet understanding how this paradigm, as Bob Proctor calls it, operates through default patterns gives us the power to interrupt the spiral.

You are the only person who thinks in your mind.

This profound statement, which I first heard from Louise Hay, transformed my perspective. If I truly am the only one who thinks in my mind, why not deliberately choose what I want to think about?

Instead of feeding our current problems more energy, we must find ways to disconnect and channel that intense, angry energy toward something positive.

Anger's force of power

One aspect of anger is its sheer force and power. The key is to grab it by the horns and convert this energy into something constructive.

Two options exist:

Suppress the anger which then manifests into negative thoughts and physical health consequences (pain, health issues)
Channel the anger’s energy constructively to improve personal situations (develop a new skill or find better opportunities)

I have done both - suppress and channel - and suspect most people are the same.

So how does one channel all this negative energy into something positive?

I remember a video by Louise Hay in which she described that punching and screaming into a pillow was an effective method releasing pent-up anger and resentment. But then she said her dogs got scared and so she stopped. Instead of beating her pillow, she started getting into her car and screaming into the void with the windows rolled up.

I haven't tried this myself but I do sometimes turn on some loud rock and roll music and sing along when I'm alone in the car. At the very least, it interrupts my train of anger-fuelled negative thoughts.

There are other ways to express anger and channel it into something positive. My above-mentioned Michigan friend, for instance, writes songs and composes music himself. Another friend in Australia who lost her 19-year-old son in a tragic accident turned to art to deal with her anger-fuelled grief. Pursuing a passion is helpful in that the intensity of the passion itself may help redirect one’s anger. Think of writing, building something, music, painting, gardening, tending to pets, hiking in nature or exercising as a way to expel volatile emotions.

My thing is writing but also working with my hands. I enjoy designing fashion jewelry with recycled beads and crystals when not typing words into a screen or writing them into a journal. And I cook elaborate meals and sometimes vlog about them on my YouTube channel.

One other popular activity comes to mind: rage-cleaning.

Enough said.

Relinquishing anger

Of course, it's far easier to respond to anger with blame, resentment, criticism, and violence—none of which address the underlying causes. I experience this frequently, finding myself blaming various levels of government for subjecting us to persistent economic upheaval to name but one example. Disconnecting from these destructive thought patterns requires genuine effort, and I openly acknowledge my frequent failures. Yet, it can be done, and like any skill, it becomes more manageable with practice.

I know I'm making progress because my anger-fuelled rants have grown noticeably shorter (I think).

There is no shortage of techniques to help letting go of anger and its subsidiaries in order to interrupt the breeding cycle of negativity. Take your pick and try something; if it doesn’t work, you can try something else.

Interrupt the negative thought before it controls you

I recently came across The Tapping Solution which has helped me with the interruption of volatile emotions.

Tapping is also known as EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). It is a powerful holistic healing technique that resolves a range of issues. It's based on the combined principles of ancient Chinese acupressure and modern psychology. (www.thetappingsolution.com/eft-tapping)

Other methods exist and some are often taught in psychotherapy, group talks and addiction-related sessions. The internet is a wealth of information.

Only after we let go of the anger can we take that energy and turn in it into something constructive and positive. It’s one reason why writing - for me - is so cyclical. I have to let go of the thing that causes me anger, grief etc before I can channel it into a readable article.

Concluding remarks

Before publishing this essay, I allowed it to percolate and rattle around in my brain. Unlike my blog posts which I write and publish much quicker, I like to take my time to research and cross-reference (as well as illustrate) my essays in Substack.

When I finished typing this essay, I walked away and pondered how to get distance from this piece before I felt courageous enough to publish it.

The car was available that day and I decided on a whim to pick up items from my list: nutritional supplements and groceries.

I went shopping.

I don’t typically enjoy running this type of errand and consider it a necessary evil. Still, it was a weekday and the stores wouldn’t be too busy, or so I told myself.

As I walked around the house collecting bags and lists and my wallet, I became aware of my energy. It felt grey and heavy, much like the rain clouds populated the sky that day. I heard my voice in my head say “I hate shopping”.

It made me pause and reflect on the article I had just put aside as a way to process its content.

I’m projecting, I told myself. I’m allowing a habitual program to control my disposition which, up to this point, had been light and positive.

Now suddenly, I became aware how powerful my subconscious mind really was. The triggers - collecting bags, wallet, car keys - sent my mind into overdrive, intensifying the emotions of reluctance, resistance and ultimately resignation.

How do the actions of picking up reusable shopping bags and wallets usually make me feel?

Reluctant. Resistant. Resigned. Unhappy. Peeved. Irked.

A refrain began to auto-play in my mind.

I hate shopping. I hate shopping.

The energy associated with this refrain was not positive or happy. And here I was subjected to exactly the thing I’m talking about in this essay. I found myself feeling anger (why do I have to always do this shopping) and resentment (I want my own car why do I have to share my car with others). My mind projected further: I anticipated (projected) traffic and construction delays, lack of sale items, etc.

Fascinating, isn’t it.

I caught myself and backtracked. I knew I had to let all this irritation go and decided to use this moment in time as an experiment.

How will my shopping experience turn out? Is the Law of Attraction really going to send my way the mirror image of my inner thoughts and feelings?

Traffic was not awful but there were a couple of cars which cut me off and intensified my sullen mood somewhat. The first store I stopped at - the Healthy Planet - was packed to the point where a parking spot was difficult to find. Inside the store, there were so many people which confused me for a moment. Was it Saturday today? It was rarely this crowded on a weekday. I checked my phone: Thursday. Odd.

On the way home, there were several jaywalking pedestrians which annoyed me a little, particularly one couple who, when I approached the stop sign, made eye contact with me and slowed down their pace.

I began to reflect:

If like attracts like, as explained by the Law of Attraction, then my mood would attract events and circumstances matching my mood.

Further reflection led to these questions:

Did I allow my automatic program to take control over my good mood?
Did I simply accept the I-hate-shopping-movie to play in my head as dictated by my mind?
Was I really such a pushover to allow a trigger related to shopping (collecting bags, wallet) to control my disposition?
And, did these negative thoughts attract the impatient drivers and slow-walking jaywalkers?

There was a time I considered all of this too outlandish to accept as true.

Today, I'm much more inclined to believe that I have both power and control over the thoughts in my head. How this may impact my outer experiences remains open for further exploration.

But I am reminded of one thing:

I am the only person who thinks inside my head.

And so it is.

Thank you for reading!

If you have enjoyed this essay, leave me a comment, I would love to know your thoughts.

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